Yaliyomkuta mlokole porini

Mlokole mmoja alikuwa anafukuzwa na simba porini. Alipojua kuwa hataweza kumwacha simba akamwomba Mungu ili simba yule naye aokoke. Aliamini simba mlokole hatoweza kumla.

"Baba naomba simba huyu aokoke!"

Basi akadondoka chini akasikilizia. Kwa kuwa alikuwa na imani simba yule akaokoka kweli. Akamtia kucha za mgongo na kusali.

"Baba, nakushukuru kwa mlo huu wa mchana........."

Deadlock circle

Boss says to secretary: For a week we will go abroad, so make arrangements.

Secretary makes a call to Husband: For a week my boss and I will be going abroad, you look after yourself.

Husband makes a call to secret lover: My wife is going abroad for a week, so let's spend the week together.

Secret lover makes a call to small boy whom she is giving private tuition: I have work for a week, so you need not come for class.

Small boy makes a call to his grandfather: Grandpa, for a week I don't have class 'coz my teacher is busy. Let's spend the week together.

Grandpa (the 1st boss;) ) makes a call to his secretary: This week I am spending my time with my grandson. We cannot attend that meeting.

Secretary makes a call to her husband: This week my boss has some work, we cancelled our trip.

Husband makes a call to secret lover: We cannot spend this week together, my wife has cancelled her trip.

Secret lover makes a call to small boy whom she is giving private tuition: This week we will have class as usual.

Small boy makes a call to his grandfather: Grandpa, my teacher said this week I have to attend class. Sorry I can't give you company.


Grandpa makes a call to his secretary: Don't worry this week we will attend that meeting, so make arrangements

The secretary calls the husband..........

Frank Mwaminifu

Frank "mwaminifu"

Mke wa Frank anajivunia mume mtulivu, hashindi baa na hatongozi videmu. Akitoka kazini huenda kucheza basketball na hurudi nyakati za dinner. Siku moja mkewe akamhurumia. Anachoka na kazi. Mtu gani asiyependa starehe japo kidogo? Mke akamlazimisha outing, Frank akabisha lakini taxi ikafika. Gonga Club & Lodge.

Walipofika mlangoni tu, mlinzi akaita, “Mambo Frank!” “Poa”

“Nilidhani huwa huji club, inakuwaje mlinzi anakufahamu?” mke akauliza

“Yule mgambo, mchana analinda ofisini kwetu, usiku anapiga part time hapa” akajibu Frank

Wakachagua meza. Kukaa tu tayari mhudumu ameshaleta castle lager. Akamuuliza mama anakunywa nini. Mhudumu alipoondoka mama akauliza, “amejuaje unakunywa castle kama hakufahamu?”

Wakati Frank anajikanyaga aanze vipi kujitetea, mhudumu wa vyumba akawa amefika na kuuliza.

“Mkuu kama kawaida nimekuandalia namba tano, nendeni tu vinywaji nitawaletea huko huko”

Kufikia hapo mama akawa hana simile tena, akanyanyuka akitukana kama chizi. Akatoka nje mbio na kuingia katika taxi iliyokuwepo pale. Wakati anapatana bei na dereva, Frank naye akaingia. Mama yakamporomoka matusi kibao na kilio juu. Alipovuta kamasi na kupiga kwikwi akamsikia dereve anasema.

“Duh, eee bwana Frank huyu malaya uliyeokota leo balaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!”

mamaa akazimiaaaazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Majambo mbaya kitandani

Majambo mbaya kitandani

Harry alipochoka kufanya kazi zake akazima taa, akambusu mkewe, akalala na usingizi mzito ukampitia. Mara akamwona mwanamme amesimama kitandani.

"Toka hapa nani wewe unakuja kitandani kwangu?"
"mimi ni mtakatifu Petro na hapa si kitandani kwako bali ni mbinguni"
"Ina maana nimekufa? Mbona mimi bado kijana? Naomba unirudishe duniani."
"Inawezekana, lakini siwezi kukurudisha kama mtu, labda nikurudishe kama mbwa au kuku"

Harry akakumbuka mbwa anavyopata taabu ya kulinda, " Bora nirudi kama kuku"

Mara akajikuta yuko kwenye banda, akiwa kuku jike na matakoni kunawaka moto. Akamwona jogoo pembeni, akamwambia shida yake.

"Kaka ninasikia moto matakoni, inakuwaje?"
"Kwani hujawahi kutaga weye?" Jogoo akamjibu kwa maringo.
"Sijawahi"
"Chuchumaa, kamua kwa nguvu yai litoke."

Basi akakamua, yai la kwanza likatoka, akakamua tena yai la pili hilo! Akiwa anataka kukamua yai la tatu akasikia sauti ya mke wake.

"Harry, pumbavu wewe, unakunya kitandani!"

Padri amkimbia muumini

Padri amekaa katika ki-box cha kuungamisha, kanisani hakuna mtu. Mara muumini mmoja akaingia, akapiga magoti upande wa pili na kufanya ishara ya msalaba akaanza kuungama.

"padri naungama dhambi zangu, leo nimefanya dhambi kubwa sana"

"endelea"

"bosi wangu aliniita nyumbani kwake akaniambia amegundua nimeiba shilingi milioni 50, akasema nisipotoa maelezo ya kutosha atanipeleka polisi. Sasa ukweli mimi naogopa kufungwa, nikatazama huku na huku nikagundua tuko wawili peke yetu, nikachomoa bastola nikamuua. Yesu atanisamehe?"

"utasamehewa"

"Basi wakati nataka kuondoka nikasikia mlango unafunguliwa, kutazama loh, mke wa bosi. Akaniuliza nimemfanya nini mume wake. Kutazama huku na huku nikagundua tuko wawili peke yetu, nikamuua na yeye. Yesu atanisamehe na hiyo?"

"utasamehewa"

"nikatoka nje, nikawasha gari niondoke lakini mlinzi akakataa kufungua geti akasema amesikia kama kishindo hivi! Nikaona ananiwekea kiwingu. Kutazama huku na huku nikagundua tuko wawili peke yetu nikamuua. Yesu atanisamehe?"

"utasamehewa"

"nikajifungulia geti mwenyewe nikaenda nyumbani, wakati napanga kuja kuungama mtoto wa bosi akabisha hodi nikawaza mambo gani tena. Akasema amerudi nyumbani na kukuta yaloyotokea, lakini akanionyesha diary ya baba yake inayoonesha kuwa nilikuwa na appointment naye kabla hajafa. Nikamuuliza nani mwingine anajua, akasema ameanzia kwangu kisha atakwenda polisi. Nikatazama huku na huku nikagundua tuko wawili peke yetu nikamuua. Diary nikaichoma moto. Yesu atanisamehe na hilo?"

- kimya........

"padri, Yesu atanisamehe kwa hilo?"

- kimya.........

Jamaa kutazama kwenye kibox padri hayupo. Lakini kwenye kona moja akaona kabati la ngou za mapadri kama linatikisika. Kufungua akamuona padri kajificha katikati ya majoho anatetemeka.

"sasa baba mbona umenikimbia?"

padri kwa taabu akajibu

"nilitazama huku na huku nikagundua kuwa tuko wawili peke yetu........"